Ego Strokes

My people want to avoid a doctor's office but there are some good things to be said.

Unfortunately I have spent a lot of time waiting in doctors' offices. Not all of the times have been for serious reasons but some have. Most of the time I have been with someone else; waiting with and for them.

During these waiting times I have had my ego stroked on several occasions. I have been mistaken for the mother, rather than the grandmother, of my infant grandsons. I did not fool myself that those people thought I was really young but they must have thought I was young (in my 40's perhaps) enough to have had babies. This was indeed flattering.

I was told, by the person I was with, that she overheard a conversation about how my children (actually they are my grandchildren) look like me. What a nice compliment as my grandsons are so adorable.

Just yesterday the receptionist thought I was the sister of the person I was with. She is 21 so that would make me, what? Well, I would assume much younger than my actual age.

So with all of this said, perhaps I should spend more time in doctors' waiting rooms so that I can have my ego stroked. All of those people are so nice (or they do not have good eyesight - lol).

Here's to good health.

A "Here's Your Sign" Moment

I cannot believe I am telling on myself. We all have those moments from time to time when say something we wished we had not or we ask a question when we know the answer. We also have those times which are both. You know those moments.

You see someone who is wearing a bright blue cast covering their fingers and all the way up to their elbow and before you can catch yourself you are saying something you wish you had not because you know the answer to the question. "Did you break your arm?" Dah. Of course they did. They were not wearing the cast to make some type of fashion statement. "Here's Your Sign"

Well, I had my own "Here's Your Sign" moment recently. I had only had my new (used) car a few days. I was too lazy (and still am) to read the car manual like I should. I figured I would just learn on my own. I kept seeing some numbers above the odometer numbers. The numbers would change; sometimes they were more or less than other times. I did not pay a lot of attention to when they changed but did note that it said "X" number of miles to E.

Since I had not read the book I made up my own interpretation of what this meant. I had it in my mind that the previous owner had (for some unknown reason) programmed the car to indicate how many miles it was to a particular East destination. I needed to find out how to clear this out.

Fortunately, before I had a chance to ask anyone and embarass myself I figured it out. OMG and dahhhh! The porch light came on and someone was home. The numbers were how many miles remaining to Empty. Here's Your Sign.

I cannot believe how dumb I felt but at least I can laugh at myself before anyone else had a chance to laugh at me. Now you all can laugh at or with me - whichever makes you happy.

Do not believe the porch light was even on

Sunday we had dinner at our son's house. They had all been up late the night before so they wanted to go to bed early. We took the cue and said our I LOVE YOU's. I started up my new (used) car only to have all of the interior lights come on.

Okay. The lights are on; it is okay because it is night time and dark. But the lights did not go out. What to do? I wanted to get home because I, too, was tired. I asked Ed to read the car manual to see what the problem might be (other than the obvious - the lights would not shut off) and how to fix it. He pressed button after button in hopes it would solve the problem. No luck.

I drove all the way home (only about 12 miles or so) with all of the interior lights on. Once in our driveway, I sat out in the car searching for a solution. I decided to look at the manual myself and try to figure it out. I could not find the information I was looking for until I REALLLLY looked hard and basically read between the lines. I turned down a knob/switch and OMG the lights went out. Once I found it I was like "dah".

So, I do not believe "the porch light was even on" let alone "anyone being home".

No Words

No words came out of my mouth the other day. After I awoke (which better than before I awoke - ha ha....), I tried to call out to our dog. I opened my mouth but absolutely no words came out. I tried again. I could not speak. I finally had to make some banging noise to get our dog's attention so that I could take her outside.

I fed the dog then wondered what was I going to do. I was suppose to meet a friend for breakfast but I had no voice. I could not call her because I had no voice. I could not text her because she does not text. There was no one else to make the call for me so........I knew I had to go.

I drank a hot cup of coffee and took a hot shower which enabled me to be able to squeak out some words. I met my friend for breakfast and I managed to have a conversation (thank goodness).

Anyway, this was one day when for awhile I HAD NO WORDS.

Humor in the Hospital

These are true stories. Exact dates, times and names may be changed to protect the guilty - lol.

1992 - A family member was in the ER and had an IV inserted in his arm. We waited and waited for a doctor to return to let us know what was going on. This family member has a weird sense of humor and decided to reinact a scene from the movie "AIRPLANE". He dangling his arm around and thrashed in the bed causing the IV to sway. If you do not know the movie you won't find the humor but trust me, it was funny.

1994 - Went to the ER with heart palpitations. After the doctor talked to me and put me on O2 he had to leave for a few minutes. In an Arnold Schwartzen.....(not sure how to spell his name) voice the doctor said "I'll be back." At the time it was not funny to hear a "TERMINATOR" voice as I was very afraid I had had or was having a heart attack. But looking back, it was funny.

Late 1990's - The same (weird sense of humor) family member had cataract surgery. He had been given some powerful medication. While he was in recovery we was jabbering. When the nurse came in, he asked her (in a very serious voice) "Can I have a quart of this stuff to go?" The nurse had no sense of humor whatsoever and in a much more serious and firm voice said "Oh NO! This is a very powerful medication. You CANNOT have any of it." Come on nursey. He was high on the medication and you are taking him seriously - think again.

2001 - Family member had a stroke and was in the hospital for a long time. She was frequently being moved from one room to another. The moves were so frequent that we "threatened" (use the term loosely) to leave a trail of breadcrumbs so others could find their way to us.

2004 - Again, the same (weird......) family member broke his hand at work. He was out of work for a month or so and needed to visit the doctor frequently. On one particular doctor visit he was asked "Why are you hear?" He said "I have a broken hand." He was then asked "Which hand?" Are you kidding me? He walked in with a bright blue cast on his hand and his hand held up. The person asked the questions "why....?" and "which....." "Here's your sign!"

During this same visit, a resident asked how he was doing. He responded that he was doing okay considering he had been bowling and using a jackhammer at work. The resident had no sense of humor and began lecturing him. Again, are you kidding me? There was no way that he could have lifted a bowling ball much less put his fingers in the holes (you could not even see his fingers) and of course there was no way he could have use a jackhammer (not to mention that he would never use one in his job). "Here's your sign."

Stay tuned for more Humor in the Hospital. I am sure there will be more hospital visits or stays therefore we will try to find the humor in the hospital.

Clear Driving Directions

My parents were planning on picking up my young son from his school. They asked "How do we get to Drew's school?"

Drew very matter of factly decided to give them no-fail directions to his school.

"All you have to do," he started, "is go down this road. When you see the cows and the school buses you are there."

With those directions how could anyone get lost? He gave clear driving directions from the mouth of an elementary school student.

You gotta love them all!

Never Leave Home

My mom and dad were almost always together. I had not recalled my parents every taking separate trips. But this one time, my mom did go visit a friend in DC without my dad.

Mom left my dad to care for all of us; four kids.

I loved the outdoors. One day I went outside to feed the squirrels. We had named two of squirrels that seem to come around frequently - Rice Krispies and Peanuts. They both would come up to us. Rice Krispies was very mild and would gently eat the rice krispies off of our palms. Peanuts was a bit more aggressive so we would need to toss the food for him.

On this particular day, I got confused and thought Peanuts was Rice Krispies. I was so wrong and Peanuts bit one of my fingers. It hurt and I ran into the house screaming.

My dad called for everyone to gather around because we were going to the doctor. My older brother jumped from the top of the split level towards the living room. He was in his socks and he got a huge splinter stuck in his foot. Now my dad had two kids to take to the doctor for medical attention.

Everyone got ready and headed towards the car. My dad got in. My older brother and I got in the car but.......while my younger brother was getting in the car his fingers got smashed in the car door. Yipes! Now there were three of us needing to see the doctor.

When we got to the doctor's office, my father explained what happened to each of us. The nurse replied "Your wife must be out of town." How did she know.

After that, it was more than 25 years before my mom left town without my dad.

So, this was not just another squirrelly story.

Black Squirrel

My mother was an English major. All my life I can remember both of my parents corrected my grammar. I am by no means perfect but because of them I am generally more aware of words and whether or not they are spoken correctly.

While they were watching the news, they often would correct the newsperson. For example, if someone said "It was just him and ME at the movies." They would say it should have been "It was just him and I at the movies." If you remove part of the sentence that refers to "him" then you would say "It was just I at the movies." "I was at the movies." If the comment was "he was riding his bike very slow." They would both at "ly" at the end of slow. Thus, the correct sentence would be "he was riding his bike very slowly."

Every now and then my mother would inadvertently slip and say something in correctly (note: the ly is at the end of correct - ha ha!). My dad would correct my mom. I would not say that it made her mad but it was a bit frustrating.

One day, revenge......no, getting even was sweet for my mom. My dad was telling a story about a black squirrel he had seen. He said "I saw a black squirrel driving down the road." Think about it......do you get it? A squirrel cannot drive. What he should have said was "While I was driving down the road I saw a black squirrel."

Mom was so happy. She had finally gotten my dad back. Ha ha, the laugh was on him.

So the next time you see a black squirrel driving down the road think about my parents.

Storytelling 101

Storytelling can either be good or it can be bad. It takes at least two: one to tell the story and one to listen to the story. There may be a third or more involved because there may be those who the story is about.

Anyway, a story is only as good as the teller and the listener. If you tell a story well then chances are the listener will enjoy or at least understand the story. If you are a good listener then chances are you will understand and hopefully enjoy the story.